So the great thing about being related to me (really, there’s *onlyone* great thing about it), is that I keep a lot of photos around, even if they are photos that are not even remotely relevant to me. I knew a guy in college, he had a beard, but he also had a penchant for collecting discarded vintage photos from those bins in antique stores. When he first showed me a handful of the photos he collected I knew it was my temptation in the wilderness and that if I should ever come across one of those bins, I should back away slowly, then turn and run from my hoarder potential. I’m pretty sure that was Jesus’ approach, right? But seriously.. My husband body blocks me from those bins when we visit Antique Alley.
That desire to collect photos and memories is still there, I’ve just channeled it into a different and, errr, slightly more appropriate venue. I am now that person who snatches up, repairs and archives old family photos. A couple of months ago I came across this little Polaroid gem, and decided that I needed to write an open letter to my brother (he is the severely-rad-nineteen-eighties kid in the background). My brother just looks.. so SAD and LET DOWN in this photo. I had to respond. After reading it, you may now see why there is *onlyone* good thing about being related to me.. because the rest of me is making fun of those old family photos of you.
Dear Mid-1980s John,
I know you were feelin’ fly in your short shorts with your tall red ring socks and your rad screen printed ringer tee. Your mopish looks and shag hair were totally boss. I’m sure you were confused as to why you were not invited into the sparkler photo op with Shelly and Ruth. But that’s okay, because around that time in the mid-80s, you were busy inventing a new kind of photobomb: the Sad Boy Bomb.
Rock on Sad Boy Bomb, rock on. The 80′s might not be treating you fairly, but the new millennium will. I promise. And try to invest in some Apple Inc stock. That apple II c may not look like the start of a big thing now, but something called the iPhone is gonna rock the world.
Sincerely,
Your Sister (from the Future, not the toddler with underdeveloped motor skills you are currently acquainted with)
P.S. You kinda look like a little kid that might grow up to be a guy that thinks this invention called a Segway is cool. And kind of, maybe, in a way it is. But please don’t be that guy that uses it as his main form of transportation in open air malls. Just walk. Also, try to avoid hipsters. You’ll know them by their short shorts, tall red ring socks and rad screen printed ringer tees.
by anne lord
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